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Marcovian queues, arranged marriages and forefathers !!!

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Well, upon looking at the three words Marcovian Queues, Arranged Marriage and Forefathers any sane person (Aah!, that excluded all the managers in the world :D) would say that they are totally unconnected. Today, i am here to prove that indeed they have a strong relationship among themselves. So much so that, the relationship is stronger than the bond between irrational decision making and adult managers.

(Warning: If you happen to be one of those rare readers with queer tastes and strong urge to scratch the head, i would suggest that you read it throughly, who knows, you may discover a new interest in GOD knows what. Others please continue reading)

* Scene 1 *

Not so long ago there is a person named Subrahmanya Uma Chenna Kesava Rao. All his friends used to call him SUCK-R or simply sucker. despite the fact that he doesnt know how to suck and he had never been to a b school in his entire life people persisted on calling him that. Nevertheless our topic today is neither his name nor his management style. As with most of the corrupted adults in a certain state in our country, our dear sucker also finished his engineering from a college named TITS (The Institute of Technology and Science). By dumbluck and mere fact that his name is longer than most of his classmates in the tits he got into a welknown software company called Huggies.

Several years sped past while our sucker was typing a cublicle for 12 hours a day 6 days a week 4 weeks a month and 13 months an year.

On a certain day in a certain year our dear sucker went to his home to visit his parents (names are not given due to constraints on maximum word limit of posts). By gods grace and bank balance they are still alive and kicking. After one day at home, the mom got this cruel idea. During the days dinner the family discussed about it. Sucker was initially reluctant to the whole damn thing. Later on the parents tried to convince him. Soon it became apparant to sucker that MARRIAGE is an unavoidable thing in life and everybody has to succumb one day or other. He told his parents to start looking for the girl.

* Scene 2 *

Not so long ago there is a person named Anuj (the name itself has got no connection what so ever with all the Anuj’s in this world :D). All his friends used to call him Anuj only. The anuj in the case also never been to a b school. But since our topic today is not whether a certain anuj has been to b school or not lets proceed with what we have to. Anuj was always fascinated by computers. He learned BASIC and LOGO during his schooling from a certain Public School. At the same time he got fascinated by the fairer sex in his class too. During the IX class he proposed to a certain Priya in his class. They were close to each other till class X when Priya had to move on with her life and say good bye to the certain A in her class.
the heartbroken anuj after spending several sleepless nights joined in a co-education college to continue the class 11 and 12 studies. after a brief break of 48 hours from the love life, anuj started fascinating about the college beauty ramya. This time around, since ramya being the college beauty and already having a couple of boy friends has to say NO to our dear anuj. After spending 18 worthless months trying to coax the R, our A started worrying about the graduation options. So he took a break from the adventures and concentrated on studies.
After 4 years and 8 girlfriends and dumbluck and rollnumber based selection, Anuj got into his dream company Huggies as a coder.
Armed with his new CBZ and debit card anuj started actively looking for the eligible females in his office space. during the first three months he moved with a certain Payal. Then he had to give up her becuase she is a money guzzler. Then he loved another girl. had to leave her because she doesnt know how to dance. then another one. left her because she is an engineer and lacks social skills. then another one.
Like this several years passed by…

* Scene 3 *

A queuing system has 2 essential componenets. The people who wants to get served. and the servers. For example is a railway reservation counter. The people buying tickets need the service and the counter serves them. Now the dynamics of queues itself requires a seperate blog and we wont be getting into them.

Now lets look at the entire process of love and selecting life partner as a queueing system.

All the people who will serve love (those who will be loved, all those college beauties, studs, chivalrous men, working women etc. etc.) are our servers. And as we all know these people with lovable qualities are very less.

All those people who will love (anybody and everybody. but for simplicity sake lets assume that those who are serving are not in this set) are in the queue waiting for the servers to get their thirst of passion quenched.

The following picture should give an idea.

Exhibit 1

Now queing theory tells me that the queue length before the servers in the exhibit will keep on growing. Also there is a possibility of a server crashing (here it means commiting with someone!) and thus creating hell lot of disappointment among the desperate waiters.

Inorder to better this situation people have devised a M/M/s system with a variation by pooling all servers together. This will reduce the wait time (here, the time one seeker needs to spend to find his life partner as well as the resources he spends in filtering down)

* Conclusion *

The arranged marriage system works like a pool. All those who are ready to serve love form a server pool (ie approach relatives and matrimonials and purohits :D). Now all those who want love will goto these pools and simply stand in queue. Since all the servers are pooled the waiting time is reduced. look at the following picture.

Exhibit 2

Now what is so great about this? Arent our forefathers wise enough to devise such system which reduces the burden of filtering down the right soulmate and saves hell lot of money/time/sleep/talk time.

* So what happened next? *

Soon after reaching his workplace in a matter of 2 weeks our sucker recieved a letter from his parents informing him that they have finalised his marriage with a certain Subba Lakshmi B Tech(Info.) (for a discerning reader the B. Tech is not part of her name). There are no limits to the happiness of sucker. <after sometime> they lived happily ever after.

Our dear anuj is still filtering. But this time he is using technology. webcams, sms chats, messengers, blind date websites. But tough luck. His waiting list number as of today is 549849859485948935.



Hello Awesome...

My name is Chandoo. Thanks for dropping by. My mission is to make you awesome in Excel & your work. I live in Wellington, New Zealand. When I am not F9ing my formulas, I cycle, cook or play lego with my kids. Know more about me.

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6 Responses to “Marcovian queues, arranged marriages and forefathers !!!”

  1. Jam says:

    Chandoo, U mad-mad man,
    This post beats all ur earlier posts by a mile dood. This has to be the best piece of creative literature that I ve read in a long, long time.
    Keep up the 'good' work Chandoo baba.

  2. Chandoo says:

    Thanks alot machan...
    talking about keeping up, i guess you need to wait and see. 🙂

  3. Anonymous says:

    Nice post mate.me not an expert in english but is 'days dinner' a correct usage?.

  4. Chandoo says:

    i guess days = that particular day and not as in day and night.

  5. Govar says:

    Man, hell, u successfully realated OM and love! I couldnt beleive it, apart from not comprehending it. 🙂

  6. Chandoo says:

    hehe... not comprehending? looks like you have not gone through the reading material before reading this case 😛

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