Meeting with Mr. Barber

I always wanted to write about my hair and its adventures. There are two reasons for it,
– I never know how much more time its going to last.
– Dont bother!

History of Human Hair:

The story of hair dates back to Neanderthal man. Probably it was there before his times too. The point is not that. So the hair began to grow happily. Neanderthals were really smart. From the beginning they knew that hair is nothing but dead keratin. So they never bothered to care about it. Soon the next generation of monkeys followed the suit. By this time most of the humanity is covered with a thick black/brown layer of dead keratin and lice.

Fast forward a couple of generations. Somewhere during early 1900s humanity got bored with hair. So much so that even the FMCG marketers got bored of it. So one fineday a set of unknown young men connived to launch a cutting edge product. Bang! We suddenly have a safety razor. Prior to the date the idea of razor was scary cause you can use to kill yourself or kill the already dead keratin. By then people already knew scissors.It took a couple of days and another inventor to come up with a profession called ‘snipman’. Till that day people described “anyone holding your neck with a hand and has a knife in another” as “killer”. Not anymore!

History of my hair:

By the time I grew enough of it the world has undergone rapid progresses as far as hair is concerned. There were twin-bladed razors, conditioners, shampoos, lotions, gels, oils, creams, moisturizers, wigs and whatnot already in place.

I didn’t quite remember what happened in my first encounter with the barber except that I looked balder and whiter.

Fast forward another couple of decades.

As fate would have it I had to travel 1000 kilometers and cross 2 states to do an MBA. Most of the people in this place dont speak the language I have grown up with. Even the barbers dont. So I decide, “I am not going to give my head to someone who doesn’t know what I speak. All the Hindi I know can only make me say ‘cut my head'”. Thus I ended up growing hair when the term is in progress. Sometimes the pressure is too high to handle and I endup getting a haircut. This is what happens then,

A happily haired PHD enters the saloon. The barber looks at him suspiciously and asks what I want.

Me: “hair cut”
Bar: “heah?”
Me: (doing mock scissoring with my hands on my head) “hair cut”
Bar: he shows me a chair and envelopes me with a huge cloth
Me: (desperately trying to tell him what hair style I want and where on my head I pair my hair)”bhai saab, uper thoda sa chod de, peeche aur kaan ke uper poora kaat le”
Bar: (with a classic what the fu*k look on his face) “shaving chahiye kya?”
Me: (breathlessly cursing my Hindi teacher now) “Nahi bahi saab, uper thoda hair chod de. peecher poora remove kar le, kaan ke uper bhi”

After sometime…

Bar: “Yeah sahi hi kya?”
Me: (oh dear god, where did I see this hair style? Hmm… yeah Asok in Dilbert wears it. Duh!) “Nahi bhai saab, uper aur thoda cut kar le”

After somemore time…

Bar: “Ho gaya saab”
Me: (Duh! this is like getting two haircuts and paying for one, Lawn mower would have been better than this stupid!) “thank you bhayya!”

The same stupid cycle repeats, I try all the shops in Indoor and yet manage to get a cut above/below the rest. Baah!

Hello Awesome...

My name is Chandoo. Thanks for dropping by. My mission is to make you awesome in Excel & your work. I live in Wellington, New Zealand. When I am not F9ing my formulas, I cycle, cook or play lego with my kids. Know more about me.

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