bobhc
Excel Ninja
A man was walking along a beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. Because I am so powerful, I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The man pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be peace among the people in the middle east." The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. They are always going to be fighting. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The man then said, "Well, my staff is switching to Excel. I wonder if you could teach them this VBA thing."
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
Spreadsheet Consultant Joke
A spreadsheet consultant died and went to heaven. There were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the consultant was, and greeted him warmly. St. Peter took the consultant up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The consultant said, "I like all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you're 193 years old!"
Pilot Joke
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is only 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles, looking for a landmark. After an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog, he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.
Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window, "Hi, where am I?"
The solitary office worker replies, "You're in an airplane."
The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and makes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers are relieved, and ask the pilot how he did it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct, but absolutely useless. Therefore, that must have been the Microsoft Excel support office. I know that, from there, the airport is three minutes away on a heading of 87 degrees."
The man pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be peace among the people in the middle east." The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. They are always going to be fighting. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The man then said, "Well, my staff is switching to Excel. I wonder if you could teach them this VBA thing."
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
Spreadsheet Consultant Joke
A spreadsheet consultant died and went to heaven. There were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the consultant was, and greeted him warmly. St. Peter took the consultant up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The consultant said, "I like all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you're 193 years old!"
Pilot Joke
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is only 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles, looking for a landmark. After an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog, he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.
Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window, "Hi, where am I?"
The solitary office worker replies, "You're in an airplane."
The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and makes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers are relieved, and ask the pilot how he did it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct, but absolutely useless. Therefore, that must have been the Microsoft Excel support office. I know that, from there, the airport is three minutes away on a heading of 87 degrees."
